Want to know the fastest way to lose weight? Catch cancer. I have been on every type of pain medication you could imagine. I often wonder how the addicts do it on Intervention (best show ever by the way). My body, as we have seen from my morphine episode, usually reacts pretty violently to any narcotic. I was on a pain patch that is specifically designed to absorb through your skin so you don't get nauseas. Good effort people, but I would vomit literally every other day when I had to switch my patch to a new one. Now, it wasn't the kind of 'I drank too much vomit' or 'I have the flu vomit' but an 'oh, pause, pause, pause, I think I am going to be sick, pause, pause, pause, can someone get me a garbage can?, wait, wait, wait, oh thanks, vomit.'
The radiation on my hip did not magically heal me. It took about 6 weeks for it to do the job. While I was waiting oh so patiently for it to kick in, I became very close with my walker. My friends and I would joke about decorating it or bedazzling it, or adding a basket to it........we never did, but I just recently had to use it because of side effects from chemo, does anyone have a bedazzler?
After my early morning doctor's appointments, my parents and I would go to the diner for their second breakfast, primetime for the senior citizens. Those bitches would blow by me in their walkers! It was embarrassing, nevermind the fact that I was 26 using a walker.
Along with all of the awesomeness that has happened so far, I had well, I am just going to say it....poooooooooop issues. Who doesn't want to talk about poop? While in the hospital, since I didn't eat, I hadn't gone to the bathroom for a week. My doctor suggested I take magnesium citrate, a liquid that tastes like carbonated lemon lime sludge. As directed by my doctor, you only need to drink a LITTLE bit. I was pretty desperate to go and was a little panicky about what would happen to my body if I didn't poop for so long. Have you ever thought about that?
I got a glass, drank a little and was ready for the fireworks! Nothing happened. I was encouraged by my father to drink the WHOLE glass, what could possibly happen?
I WAS ON THE TOILET SHITTING FOR SEVEN HOURS. That's what could happen.
On the flip side, pain medication makes you constipated. This is very uncomfortable. I tried everything, coffee, natural laxatives and softeners, etc. My sister and I even created our own song about poop. Well, wouldn't you know it, that did the trick! Maybe I will share the lyrics someday........"I just wanna poo-oo-oop......."
