Ok people, did I melt your hearts like Zac Efron?
Enter here: morphine incident. I wake up the next morning....scratching my head, was it all a dream? Nope, I still have a bum hip, damn, I guess I still have cancer, damn, and now I'm going to vomit. I don't know about you, but whoever said it is comfortable (not that throwing up is by any means comfortable) to throw up while sitting in bed, and I'm pretty sure that was my Mom who said that, is WRONG. So I felt the need to keep limping to the bathroom in major pain for my 'episodes.' Well, that got me far. How far? On the floor far, with a back spasm so intense I couldn't even cry. Good thing I haven't showered since yesterday. The series of events that follow are so beyond ridiculous that you needed to be there.
I'm on the floor, my dad is now trying to shimmy pants on me while my mother (calmly, as always) calls 911. Moments later a couple of police officers arrive with the volunteer rescue squad. The volunteers consisted of a 17 year old, and 2 or 3 ( can't remember, I was a little preoccupied) large, old and sweaty men. !@#$ After several LONG moments, they figure out how to get me downstairs....on a soft stretcher. FYI, I literally CANNOT move. Now I am rolled up like a hot dog in a stretcher type thing, and these guys are going to carry me downstairs??? WHAT?!? Someone just knock me out at this point.
We begin the decent downstairs, as I am cursing loudly in pain, "!@$#, #%@$, #$@%!" Ummmm, am I supposed to be looking at the floor? Ummmm, excuse me, should my face be that close to the floor? I'm spinning like a rotisserie chicken, I feel safe.
Many painful minutes later, I am now on the ambulance. Wow, remind me to NEVER call 911 again. EVER. As we speed away, fat sweaty guy starts asking questions. Oh, they put the sirens on for me, how lucky am I?! FSG: "What happened?" Me: "I was sick from the morphine and got a back spasm. I have breast cancer. FSG: "How long have you had it?" Me: "Uh, I was diagnosed yesterday." AWKWARD. Last thing I remember from the ambulance ride; "Mom, don't forget to call my principal and tell him I'm not coming in today."
