This is the woooooorrrrrst day of my life!!!!

This week was the 4th week from hell.  I've developed a pattern of spending long hours at least 3 days a week at the hospital.  This week was no different.

Monday:  Radiation @ 10:30.  Let's get this shit going!  Oh, I can't get radiation? The machine that takes the pictures before the first session is broken? So I came here just to get pictures taken of my ladytown, I mean hip?  How am I feeling? #%$@%#*(&@^%$@#, fine.

Tuesday:  Radiation @ 10:30. Your pictures were printed and they look good. Oh, you mean the cancer is doing it's job by eating my hip bone.  Let's get this shit going!  I forgot how when they radiate you, there's a horrifying buzzing sound with no warning, that makes you jump out of your skin. Sweet.
                Doctor appointment to follow.   I have some freaky red rash type thing on my legs and another rash on my elbows on top of my severe dry skin problem from one of my medications........and I'm nauseous.  We have a lot to talk about.  My platelets are low which causes petechiae, which takes care of my leg problem.  I have a fungus on my elbow. Gross. And now I need a bone marrow biopsy.
First, I get anti-nausea medicine and Ativan, to keep me calm for the biopsy, because I am trying very hard not to beeline for the exit.  I also get an xgeva shot in my arm and a zoladex shot in my stomach.  My doctor performs the biopsy in an exam room.  I made her explain everything she was doing.  She goes in through my lower back and numbs the first layer of skin.  Then she numbs the next layer of skin and then numbs the bone.  Then she starts tapping on my bone! I know, you can't believe it, right? I'll tell you again, she starts tapping on my bone! Can you feel that? Um, yup, I can. That's how numb you are! Oh, super....please stop!  Then she uses some tool to crank a hole in my bone and then suck out the marrow.  It's as horrible as it sounds.  Weirdest sensation ever, but no pain.  Just a sore back with a gaping hole in it.

 I'm almost positive that that needle, was in my back.

Wednesday:  Platelet transfusion @ 9:45.  Luckily, my transfusion was only one bag of platelets and pretty uneventful, except when they couldn't find the right place to access my already bruised port and kept pushing, poking and prodding it.  Ow.  This is what platelets look like. Who knew?

                      Followed by radiation @ 1:15.  Again, pretty uneventful, except when there was a communication breakdown between the doctor and the nurses because my platelets were low.  I had to sit with a nurse and talk about everything that just happened. For no valid reason I could think of. Just wasting my time.


Thursday:  Radiation @ 10:30.  Laying on a cold, hard table hurts after a bone marrow biopsy. Just saying.
                  I stopped by the treatment room so the nurses could check the xgeva injection site because I noticed it was red, irritated, hot and bruised.  And when I changed the biopsy bandage, it was still a gaping hole, so they checked that out too.  Now I have to wait for a doctor to see me.  An hour later, I am out the door with an antibiotic for the possibly infected injection site and a new bandage on my biopsy hole.

Friday:  Radiation @ 10:30.  Status quo. Oh wait, no it wasn't. I got AMBUSHED by a social worker right before treatment.  She pulled me into an exam room and wanted to talk and see how I was feeling. Really?

Week from hell complete.  Thanks for reliving that with me.  I have low, actually no, expectations for next week..............

Diagnosis: 6/4/2008, BC, Mets, sarcastic, Rads, Chems, 10cm, likes peanut butter, single, Stage IV, loves sunsets and the beach, ER+

People who are diagnosed with breast cancer always write their diagnosis, like this: Diagnosis: 3/23/2010, IDC, 4cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 5/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
I don't know what the hell that all means.  But what I am trying to say is, I am starting rads (radiation) again.

Well....it wasn't 5-6 hours...I was at the hospital for my platelet and blood transfusion for 8 1/2 HOURS.  At this point they should name the cancer center after me!  Not to mention they put me in the 'overflow' section, which happens to be in the corner of my normal chemo room.  Except you feel like you're in time out.  You didn't think that I would be fine after this transfusion, did you?  I woke up with crazy intense leg pain, called the doctor.  I had to get a doppler study, to check if I had a blood clot since I just had the transfusions.  The pain was cancer, not a blood clot, but I'm not a doctor.
I showed up to get dopplered and waited an hour, listening to Rachael Ray's 'nails on a chalkboard' voice and looking at her ugly face on T.V. in the waiting room. Yeah, I'm a Rachael Ray hater.
I've been dopplered before so I knew what to expect but somehow forgot about the level of awkwardness.  A doppler study is an ultrasound of the veins in your legs to see if there is a clot.  So it's not enough that a man has to do the study, but he has to get all up in my groin with ultrasound goo. Uncomfortable..........and messy.

Later that day, I saw my doctor who prescribed me liquid morphine, just maybe, maybe this one will work.  I was also sent to get a Ct scan at 4:00 (been there since 10:00).  I didn't need to drink anything, get any sort of injection and they let me keep my clothes on! What a way to end the day......

I spent the next 4 days in my parents bed high on liquid morphine and in pain.

Now that I have been seeing my doctor on a weekly basis, this week we decided to go for radiation.  She was able to get me an appointment that day with the radiation oncologist, naturally on the complete opposite side of the hospital.  Ah the memories of being wheeled down that hallway in a wheelchair.....not pleasant.  All the nurses and therapists down there recognized me and were really happy to see me but really bummed that I was back. Right back at ya.  Well, not the really happy part, just the really bummed part.  But I knew this all meant RELIEF............

Back the next day to get mapped for rads.  I will be getting 15 treatments on my left hip everyday for 15 days.  Since I have the unfortunate luck of cancer cells attacking my hips, I also have the unfortunate luck of dropping my pants for radiation.  Doesn't get any less awkward the second time around, similar to my doppler experience.  Ultrasound goo on the underwear, eww.

"Can you pull down your pants and underwear?" Now, I don't get asked that question often, or ever but the therapists are so respectful about it, it makes it more awkward!  So instead of someone making a joke, how could you not, we just talk about my new sneakers.  At least they cover my ladytown, with a napkin, while they take Ct scan pictures and then draw Xs and Os on my bod with permanent markers and cover them with little stickers (that won't stay on more than a day).

Now I am ready to be radiated and have been asked several times, maybe too many, if I am sure that I don't want to give consent for anyone to get information about my radiation. So if they accidentally radiate my eyeball instead of my hip, no one will know.

This is what it looks like! But my pants are around my ankles!

No one's ever written a rap about you? That sucks.

Now this is the story all about how
Cancer got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit down class
... I’ll tell you how I f'ed cancer so hard, I beat its lame ass.

In a small town called Fanwood born and raised
On Russell Road where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And listening to DMB outside of the school
When this thing called cancer got up to no good
It screwed with the wrong chick in this neighborhood
I decided not to take it and picked a fight
And said “F you cancer, I’ll kick yo ass ‘cause this shit ain’t right”.

I started a blog and told all of my friends
Called it F*ck Cancer and shared it on the interweb
If anything I could say that my blog was rare
So I thought good, F it, yo cancer get scared!

I used my witty sarcasm ‘cause shit was rife
And I yelled to the cancer “Yo, get out of my life!”
Took time to rest so my energy amassed
Then I beat cancer so hard I kicked its ass.

~Written By Laura Stanik~

 Sung to the theme song of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air