Happiness is a journey, not a destination

In your human energy system, the center for unconditional love is located in the center of your chest. This is your fourth chakra. It governs the heart and circulatory system, respiratory system, arms, shoulders, hands, diaphragm, ribs/breasts and thymus gland.

Many issues of love, grief, hatred, anger, jealousy, fears of betrayal, of loneliness, as well as the ability to heal ourselves and others are centered in the fourth chakra.

From this position in the middle of the body the fourth chakra is the balance between your body and spirit. This chakra is the place where unconditional love is centered. Unconditional Love is a creative and powerful energy that may guide and help us through the most difficult times. This energy is available in any moment, if we turn our attention to it and use it to free us from our limits and fears.

Heart Chakra Facts:
· The heart chakra rules your compassion, forgiveness, generosity and love.
· A well-balanced fourth chakra will result in stimulating your highest
ideals and desires, and leave you feeling positive and nurturing.
· In your body, the fourth chakra governs the heart, circulation, breasts, and arteries.
· An apt image for the fourth chakra is an open doorway.
· The heart chakra vibrates with the color green.
· The heart chakra's mission statement is: I give, I care, I love.

It's all about the numbers

So I went to get bloodwork and they used my arm and left a nasty bruise.  I guess we decided not to use my port? Good talk, thanks for that.

Tumor markers are down to 94!!!  Wooooooohoooooooo!
What does that even mean??  I'll tell you since I just bought a cool fact book about bone metastasis for $7.95. Some types of cancer release certain chemical substances called tumor markers into the bloodstream.  The blood tests determine whether the levels of these markers are rising or falling.

I am staying on the oral chemo, until 'it' comes back.  Is that acceptable? Not really......I mean, I would love to be cancer free and I know that is in my future.  But if I am not on any medication, that leaves me unprotected which is not cool, and if I'm on medication to keep it quiet or dormant, the cancer cells will get used to the meds and will stop working.  So maybe that is the best answer for now......it's a weird place to be.

More importantly this is the burning question:  Do I qualify for medical marijuana?????? I know you are all wondering.

Happy Fuckin' New Year!!!!!!!

The ball dropped............Happy New Year, it's 2011 and....................I AM CURED!!!!!!!

HA, just kidding!   That had to be done.

So this New Years was anticlimactic as all New Years are.....my lower and upper back still hurts, I'm still taking oral chemo and I'm still single, no shock here people.

I guess it would have been super cool to be magically cured or something. But Dick Clark certainly wasn't doing me any favors with his orange face and slurred speech.  Was I expecting anything to change just because the numbers changed from 2010 to 2011? I'm not sure.....I guess I was hoping to be in a different place by now, like in remission with eyebrows, eyelashes, and my hair.  I've definitely become a bit of a picture hoarder though.  I feel like everything I do needs to be documented, if there is a camera around, make sure there are some badass pictures of me!  A lot of people say when you go through a 'crisis' or whatever you want to call it,  "you must really appreciate the small things in life now."  I do to some extent as I always have appreciated the small things like peanut butter, sleep and lifetime movies, you know the real important things.
But I do have a more acute appreciation of each happy moment I have each and every day.   Like when I am reminiscing with friends about going to Giants games with my grandfather and having to drink Tab, and my friend says, "Yeah, Tab definitely causes cancer." Oops......BAHAHA. Or when I walk into the neighborhood bar, where everyone knows my name, and one of the regulars buys me a drink and tells me that my knit hat makes him horny, sweeeeeet. Or when I get to hold a friends baby, I love holding babies.
I don't look into the future, except when I think of the day I will be thin.....*:):):):):):)* (that's what the numerologist told me) and have my long hair back.

You know there was this mass status going around on facebook for a while.  It said, (I'm paraphrasing, it's actually possible I might be making most of it up) "Everyone has 1000 wishes, but a person with cancer only has one wish, to get better." I call BULLSHIT!  Really?!?!?! So if I come across a lamp with a genie and rub it, I get one wish, to get better of course, but my noncancerous friend here gets a shit ton of wishes AND gets a carpet ride with Aladdin????? Wow, that is not fair. 

I have the same wishes as everyone else, I just get a free pass to joke about cancer and you don't.