Chemo is for the birds....

After my many chemo treatments my doctor treated me to a 'drug holiday.'  Actually, I decided to take a break from the chemo because it.......sucked.  While I was on 'holiday' I started juicing vegetables.  Juicing veggies looks worse than it tastes and it can be fun when you have an old juicer that sounds like a jet plane. There are lots of advantages to juicing I don't need to go into it, you can look it up. 

My long luscious locks were growing back, I looked weird.  You never realize how important eyebrows are to your face.  They are. When you have no eyebrows, you look weird.  I wish I could say that my drug holiday was great but three months later, guess what.........oh yeah, it's back AGAIN.  Not that I ever invited cancer into my life, but I rescind my invitation! You are not welcome in my body anymore!!!!!! 
This time, it came back in my left arm, my ribs (that is where I was experiencing the most pain), my left hip again and other places. This pattern is getting old, it's like one of those retired Vera Bradley patterns.  Over it!

This time my doctor and I decided to try hormone treatments again, since the first time it worked so well.  I was to get a shot called Faslodex.  One shot, two weeks later another shot and then another shot 4 weeks later.  Ok, this I can handle.  If I can handle getting a pellet inserted  into my stomach every three months, I can handle a shot in my ass, right?  Ummmmmmm, no.  This shot was SO painful, I almost passed out. Literally started sweating, became dizzy, needed to sit down and drink water.  Maybe it was because the nurse was explaining to me how hard the shot was to give because the substance was so thick and she had to push really hard.  That's nice. I'm thinking this might not be the way to go.  The last thing you want is a nurse who can't insert a needle whether it's a shot or an IV, I already had one nurse on my shit list, here's number two. 

Well, as it turns out we couldn't even give this therapy a chance, because the pain was getting worse.  We opted for more chemo, Doxil this time.  The selling point....it's RED.  Who wouldn't want to be pumped with some red substance every Tuesday? Oh, oh...sign me up!   I got two treatments of this and shocker, it wasn't working!  On to the next one, on the next, somebody bring me back some money please....(thank you Jay-Z).  So the next chemo on the list was Taxotere/Zeloda.  This concoction is similar to the first chemo I was on, in terms of the job it does.  Side effects, whole other story people. 

I got to sit down again with a nurse, one of the nurses I LOVE, and hear that I was going to lose my hair (have I heard this before?) and oh wait, [insert Charlie Brown's mother's voice here] "we will have to insert a port."

Toxin Tuesday Cont'd.....

So now that I made my appearance at the fair.........

Since I know this guy who is seasoned at shaving heads (cuz I am so badass), I had my own personal head Bic(er).  I continued to shave my head for the rest of the summer.  When the school year started I decided to buy a wig; didn't want to scare the little ones.  How do I describe the experience? When you approach a wig store, run in the opposite direction.  The spinning mannequin heads with wigs will terrify you!  The wig I purchased looked just like my hair used to, but a little longer. It was actually quite comfortable yet really hot.  I wore the wig for school only for about a month, then I realized it was just not me and super annoying.  So I made the decision to rock it bald, after all, I have a perfectly shaped head (besides the small dent my sister likes to point out).

I told my preschoolers that I was getting a haircut that weekend.  That Monday as I greeted them at the door, I got a few odd stares, some comments "Miss *******, you have no hair!", but mostly they didn't care.  If only the world was made up of all preschoolers; then dumbass people in bars wouldn't feel the need to make comments........

I went on a 'Girl's Weekend' trip to Baltimore with some friends a month after my new found baldness. The chick with cancer and three mothers, one with a 3 month old, you can imagine how badly we all needed a night out. I wore a hat and somehow scored some guy's number, sweet!  The coolest part of my night (and I mean that sarcastically) was when some random lady called one of my friends over and gave her a bracelet for me........oh god....
She could tell I was going through treatments, I guess the hat wasn't a great disguise, and wanted me to have her beaded bracelet, which said ENDURE.  Excuse me while I go take a shot. Seriously?!?

Fast forward to New Year's Eve and more dumbass people in bars. After I was diagnosed I became a little feisty, well....maybe I was feisty before I was diagnosed.  My hair was just long enough to attempt a baby fauxhawk.  Well into the evening, some guy tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me, Sir."  I had already made eye contact with this guy several times, so he obviously knew I was not a sir.  I was wearing a floral cardigan, too (don't knock it, cardigans rule).  A few drinks in and I was ready to throw a few elbows, instead I just screamed at him that I had cancer, blah, blah, blah......I have cancer, blah, @#$%, blah, I am on chemo, blah, @#%, #$%!, you get the point.  He left. Quickly. That was scary...for him.  Sheesh!  I'm pretty sure he thought 'sir' was certifiably crazy.

I guess you have to get used random people commenting on your baldness and cancer out loud in public. Did I sign up for this? Regardless, I'm still kicking ass.