Canspiration found.

Looking for canspiration

I haven't been feeling very canspirational lately but I feel like I should unload some good/bad energy.
Oh wait, I'm getting inspiration from my father right now, who is standing on the couch I am sitting on, vacuuming the windows above meas I am writing this.  Picture it.

Still on navelbine. Still kicking my ass: itchy skin, golf ball indigestion, muscle aches, joint pains, fatigue, and I'll just say stomach issues for now. It's working and winning. My tumor markers are down, yay!, which is great but less exciting when you feel like shit all the time.

As usual, I'm ballin' when on chemo.  I went on a mini girl's night overnight trip a few weeks ago to Dover, Delaware...a girl's dream. Mind you, this was in the midst of a week of severe stomach pains where I dropped some poundage quickly (fist pump me chemo).  At the bar a boy, yes a boy, approached me and said he liked my hair and then asked if I was in the air force. Really? The air force? And since cancer causes me to have the "I have cancer" tick, and I think that people immediately think I have cancer because I have a short haircut (everybody thinks like me, right?), I responded, "NO, I HAVE CANCER." .....awkward..... But apparently he didn't mind and we got our dance on.  And now he's a 'stage 5 clinger' texter. Leave it to me to get into an awkward situation. I should have just given him one of these:

Cancer always gets in the way.

On the other hand, I would not have met Dr. M, if I didn't have cancer. He is the doctor that saw me when my doctor was away during my severe stomach pain week.  My doctor told me that young people with cancer scare all the other doctors in the office, so she is the one who usually takes them as patients. But Dr. M, had no choice and had to see me. When he saw me and my file his response was, "oh, you're the one...." Is that bad or good? Turns out it was good. My doctor told me Dr. M was really happy to have met me and said he could tell right away that I had an old, sweet soul and was easy to be around, etc., etc.  The nicest thing anyone has ever said about me:)  I think I am the star cancer patient in the office, just sayin.....

I want my NAVELBINE!

I am the worst rockstar ever! I didn't even make it three weeks! I was literally a non-functioning human, which does not equal rockstar status.:(

On to the next one............navelbine.  These chemos keep getting weirder. I want to be on the team who gets to name them.  I just had a vision, new TV show,"Who wants to be a Chemo Namer?"
This one actually comes from the periwinkle plant. Cool.
Here's the score: Navelbine-3, Carla-0
As soon as I got my 'quick' IV of the drug, I began to have intense 'indigestion' pain.  It literally feels like a large object is stuck in my chest and throat. Great. Apparently, this might be because my cute little friend I like to call cancer, is in my sternum, and the chemo is working its magic in my sternum, RIGHT NOW.  How crazy is that shit???? (One point for navelbine). 
As this is happening, I am watching a cancer patient sitting across from me get chemo through her port for the first time. Ah, I remember the days...........it hurts like a bitch!!!!!!!  See, nurses and doctors play this mean trick on you where they don't prescribe numbing cream until AFTER you feel the true pain of getting a nous (needle of unusual size) stuck in your port.  Well, watching this poor woman (in her 50s) start crying like a child from the pain, really makes you think......cancer is the real deal. Fuck that!

Oh, navelbine scores points 2 and 3, my skin itches so bad all over I want to crawl out of it. And I already had diarrhea, I thought it was supposed to cause constipation!  Ooh, ooh, let's play would you rather!  Would you rather have diarrhea or constipation? Go!

"Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers"

I am currently in some sort of chemotherapy side effect hell.  Is it possible this is what hell is like? If so, 'checking out' of this fucked up world we live in, is NOT an option. 

I mean, I don't even have the desire to drink!!!  What is this?!?!?  What does this mean?!?! Something is definitely wrong here. I almost didn't make it to the "3rd wedding" party yesterday, but somehow outlasted most people, you know who you are, *wink*. A glimmer of hope maybe?

In the words of Chumbawamba:
"I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down"
(Oh, 1997..............)

Dear Cancer,
I WILL win.....every time.
Love, Carla

Gemzar and the Cancer Patient(s)

"Jem... Jem is excitement! Oooo Jem... Jem is adventure! Ooooo... Glamour and glitter, Fashion and fame!"
 If only chemotherapy came with a theme song.........

It would probably sound like this, "Gem.....Gemzar is excitement! Oooo  Gem...Gemzar is adventure! Oooo.....Hair loss and nausea, Skin rash and diarrhea! Gem is truly outrageous....."
Do you think Gemzar will make me a rockstar? I don't understand how toxins can sound so cool!

This new chemo actually doesn't have those bad side effects, but it is an IV. Boo.  Two weeks on, one week off, once a week. Well, the side effects of these chemos are all scary, but apparently this one isn't 'that bad.'  We shall see.

Oh and if you need to youtube Jem and the Holograms theme song, that's ok. I did too.

Can you dig it?

Found this quote, kinda love it.

"Year by year all is unclear, but day by day we find our way."

See doc next week.  Feel like I'm trapped in a 90 year old's body. Got to hold a baby yesterday.......*siiiiiiiiiiiigh*.   Taking it one day at a time...............

Three's a Crowd

My pet scan came back with 3 new spots. 

In the eloquent words of my sister, "Um, yeah. Well, I have no words, that's......yeah. That's shitty.  Um....yeah."

Ditto.