The following is an excerpt from the eulogy given by Carla's Uncle TJ on June 12, 2012 at her "Celebration of Life" memorial service.
[Now for me personally], I will always treasure the hug and kiss that Carla always gave whether in greeting or departure. And the feeling of her so warm, soft, clear skin against my cheek. In the past year I would focus on the feel so that I could store it and keep it alive somewhere deep within. When she got the tattoo, "Don't delay the happy" on her forearm it allowed me a chance to feel that smooth soft of her arm. But I have on problem with that quote though. I embrace the concept of not delaying the happy, but I wish we knew how to fill the empty. Shortly after it was discovered that the cancer had moved to the lining of the brain, Carla would embrace and hug you a little longer and a little closer. And I could linger and take in the feeling of that warm soft, clear skin. You would think that the lingering hug was because she was frightened of what was to come but I believe it was something else. This hug wasn't for her, it was for us. It was her way of saying, "I'm so sorry for you and what you must be going through."
On Carla's last visit to my home, prior to her visiting her students for the last time, we talked and laughed as usual but I asked her "how are you dealing with everything." She said there was a 900 pound gorilla intruding on her life. I thought she might want to talk openly about it but my own fear made me stop. I regret that but at the same time I don't really feel Carla wanted to introduce the gorilla into our lives, not yet at least.
So I would like to conclude this eulogy with how that conversation, with Carla, about the gorilla, would have gone.
"Is the gorilla here Carla?"
"Oh yeah, big time."
"What's his name?"
"You know his name, don't shit me." "And what makes you think it's a him?"
"Well describe gorilla then."
"Well, it has this Grandma Frances' head of hair. It's da bomb."
"It has Aunt Mary's cheekbones, and Aunt Dee's laugh."
"Oh, and it's a Giant fan."
"How do you know that?"
"Can't you see his Giant tee shirt? Like the one Grandpa Scollan wore."
"OK" "Anything else?"
"Not really, but it's weird. As big as this freak is I'm not afraid. There's something familiar about gorilla, but I just wish someone else could see it."
So that's my imaginary conversation with Carla about the gorilla that she wrote about in her last blog. And I need to believe that on a night of torrential sheets of rain, on Russell Road, gorilla moved from the corner of the room where he sat as guardian over Carla and moved to her bed where he spooned in close to Carla to provide shelter from the storm. And like Pooh Bear and Piglet in "The House of Pooh Bear", Carla said,
"Gorilla?"
"Yes Carla"
"Nothing Gorilla," she said as she took his hand.
"I just want to be sure of you."
And when my gorilla arrives one day, I can now rest assured that when I embrace that gorilla, I will feel that warm, soft, clear skin against my cheek once again.
